Knitting Knutty

Still one of my favorites.

2012-01-21T19:10:00.000-08:00

I should have done ...

2012-01-19T17:07:00.000-08:00

..my third day of couch2 5K but instead I cleaned out the closet under the stairs. It looks so awesome. I think I am going to put three wall hangers in there and make my kids hang their back packs up. That way no living room clutter. I can't until I find my stud finder.

Got 5 eggs today. So cool.

Libby came downstairs just now crying. Tomorrow she has a spelling test and she has been studying the wrong words all week. I bet you she won't tell me she doesn't need my help again. That is just flat funny.

Day 2 Couch to 5K

2012-01-17T18:12:00.000-08:00

It was great and I feel great too. It makes me sore to run. You know when you run your body moves weather you have breasts or not.Your chest still vibrates but it's different. This different is a good thing. There is no pressure on my shoulders anymore. My neck doesn't ache. So far I think I am going to like this running thing. I always did want to be a runner. (Not exactly a runner yet....but I want to be one)

I have been doing a lot of reading on foods that lower estrogen levels and raise progesterone levels. Since my cancer is an ER+ one I have to be careful about it now. I will meet with my oncologist next week. I had a onco type test. What ever "grade" I get on it will tell me if I have to have chemo or not. All of this really doesn't bother me. What terrifies me now, other than the cancer coming back, is lymphodema. Holy cow....it so scary. IT turns out that you can get this ANYTIME. One lady got this 2 years after her double mastectomy. What the hell is that all about? Somebody said they got because of their chemo. I need prayers.

All this crap makes me so tired.

First Day of Couch to 5k.

2012-01-15T17:45:00.000-08:00

Well if you have this program on your Ipod touch the last time they "updated" it, it changed totally. Which was good for me. The running part actually hurt my back. Maybe it's because I was running the way I usually run, I am not really sure how I usually run but maybe it's the same maybe it's different.....anyway my back hurt and it usually doesn't. But I am not going to stop this time. I hope I'm not. Wish me Luck on that.

News on the Chickens....I have 6 chickens and 1 rooster. Today I got 5 eggs. How awesome is that. All I have to do is walk outside and I have eggs. Five fresh new eggs everyday. I can't even believe it.

Healing

2012-01-10T17:45:00.000-08:00

The Doc says the puffy parts will go down. I am not so sure but he is seems to know what he's talking about. The left side towards the middle concerns me. (That's my left) It's not what I expected. I know it's going to take a really long time to heal, I was just expecting something else. I don't know what I was expecting....just something different.

I do know that I am not going to pursue reconstruction. The amount of times I would need surgery and all the possible problems scare me. Right now I feel so blessed. There is no more cancer and I feel really really good, so why would i thumb my nose at that and try to change it? Right now I just want to feel good and be in the moment I am in.

This is my hero. Divine intervention put me in front of Miss Jenifer Scoggins. She was my Chemistry teacher last semester and she offered me 5 extra points to go to a Breast Cancer Awareness Seminar. I went and from that information I found the lump, it just snowballed from there. So her and the Father in Heaven are responsible for my good health. And it going to allow these little girls

a lifetime with their mom. Something they wouldn't have had otherwise. It's so scary to say I had Stage 2 cancer. There is nothing more terrifying to hear. Then to hear that it's all gone, it didn't spread, and I test Negative for the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes....it's life changing. From Dec. 13th to now I have gone through so many life changing things and it has changed me and the way I see and hear and react to things. It's a beautiful thing. I don't want to live with regrets anymore.

Finally.

2012-01-09T18:20:00.001-08:00

I finally got the last two drain tubes out of me today. Nothing was more miserable than that. the surgery and all the rest of it was less of a pain in the ass than the tubes. First of all..they were hanging out and where they came out I had a stitch and then the tubes would get hung up on stuff and MAN..my skin was just so irritated and sensitive.

I do want to say how much I love my Doc and his Nurse, or PA. I'm not sure but what I am sure of is that they are So funny and kind and just the best ever.

Your gonna have to ...

2012-01-08T19:08:00.000-08:00

look at a lot of pictures of my tits or lack of if you want to follow me. I found this picture of me breast feeding the twin.

I got one of my drain tubes out. That left two in my right breast. I hope I get at least one out tomorrow. They are driving me nuts. They are getting caught on stuff and the stitches are pulling. It's time.

YYYOOOWWWWCH!

2012-01-05T20:00:00.000-08:00

MY ghost breast has a Ghost hurt. And it didn't even have cancer.

Hey Ya'll

2012-01-05T01:37:00.000-08:00

Good news is that it didn't spread to the ole nodes. I am so happy I can't stand it. I will still have to go through some kind of therapy, not sure yet but I really don't care. God's hand has guided through and my heart is in a state of rejoice.

So today before I went to the Doctor I went to check on my Chickens. I got another egg. The little girl is really starting to get the hang of this. Now all I need is the other 5 to catch on. I can't even tell you how exciting it is to go out in your yard and get eggs. It is SO cool.

Here are some happy campers. Every time we get one they want to fry it. I am going to make everybody wait until Sunday and then maybe there will be enough for all three of them. So cool.

Pathology Reports tomorrow.

2012-01-03T16:14:00.000-08:00

One thing is for sure

2012-01-02T18:07:00.000-08:00

my breasts are gone, not so sure about the cancer. I won't know that until Wednesday. Things are going good. My kids were a little freaked out about the whole thing but they are coming around. Mostly my oldest was, the two little ones were a little scared but are back to themselves. The first day or two Libby stayed in the bed with me. It was as if she was afraid to leave me alone. She is my little sweet heart. The others are sweet hearts too......but still want me to get the hell up and make them a snack. I think having kids made a cancer diagnosis easier. I didn't have time to feel sorry for myself. And I didn't want to be angry and bitter around my kids. I think I decided this: Ok Angela, You are NOT gonna die right now but no matter when you ARE gonna die don't you want your kids to say "Man I had a kick ass Mom." So I am going to be a fun (but still be a parent) Mom. My kids are going to be the kids that like doing stuff with me.

On a more vain note. I have always been a big girl. I had 38DD and a big old stomach. My tits always kind of camouflaged the largeness of the tummy. Now there is nothing to camouflage it AT ALL. I am flat as hell and a big tummy.....well shit. CAN'T I CATCH A BREAK????

Just in case your wondering to yourself, the little bumps all over are Neurofibromatosis. It's why I waited so long to go get a Mammogram (I thought the lumps in my breast were neurofibromas)and also why my doctor decided to take my healthy breast. They didn't get real bad until my pregnancies.

Some really fantastic news......Are you READY FOR THIS????

Do you see the beautiful little lady, the brown one with the black tips...look what she did.

She laid her first one New years Eve....or at least that's when we found it. And then another New Years Day. I fried it and each of us had a bite. I promised my dad then next one. He called me tonight to see if she laid one. Not yet Pops...maybe tomorrow.

I have breast cancer.

2011-12-28T14:29:00.000-08:00

I have been wanting to blog about it but didn't want to until I told everybody in my family that might read this. I have to masses in my right breast that are cancer. So what I have decided to do is get a double mastectomy. So tomorrow at about 1030 I am going in for surgery.

I haven't felt any real fear or sadness. I'm not real sure what I am suppose to be feeling. I think the only thing I have felt is that I don't want to die. I am not sad about losing my breasts or how I will look after. I don't think I am even fearful of dying but I am fearful of how it would affect my children. That's it.....I envision them becoming depressed and growing up, doing drugs or becoming hookers or something terrible. I think of them becoming victims of something or someone if I am not here to protect them. I am afraid that the people I have chosen, other that their dad, should something happen to their dad, might not want them. And then on the other hand I don't see me dying I just see me living breastless.(Is that a word?)

This really sucks. Really sucks.

2011-12-07T19:35:00.000-08:00

Well I tried my couch to 5k and my entire body HURTS. I am taking a step back because for once I have to use my brain and realize I can't go all out and hurt myself so much that I quit.

So I am walking. I am going to walk and walk and ....walk some more. I am not going to quit. This is a first for me, the not quitting thing. How can I expect my kids not be quitters if I am?

My kids are awesome. They make me laugh. They make my heart sing.

Chemistry....made an A. That's right. I will say it one more time.. "A"!!

Miss Scoggins.....Love you..Mean it.

Crap.

2011-11-30T19:05:00.001-08:00

Tomorrow is the 1st. Well Hell.

I am connoisseur grandmaster of justifying my bad habits.

2011-11-29T17:17:00.000-08:00

This Thursday...

2011-11-28T07:59:00.000-08:00

...I have decided will be the beginning of my Couch to 5k. I think I was going to start in December but why wait? If I am going to do something about this weight then I have to start. I picked Thursday simply because it was the first of the month and very close. So I really don't have any other plans except to start that.....real exciting stuff Maynard.

We went to the hunting camp again and had Thanksgiving dinner. It was just as much fun this time as last. It's so stinking pretty there. It is so quiet you can hear the earth breathing. I don't know how to describe it. It feels like hope and joy, I don't know like it just fills you up. (Then the kids ask if they can ride the 4 wheeler)
I can't wait to go again.

I will keep you posted about Thursday.

Rocking a head ache today.

2011-11-21T15:17:00.000-08:00

My head is killing me and my kids are just about the sweetest little girls ever. I think my throbbin Noggin is coming from my decision to start the couch to 5k again. Yep.... yet another time. This becoming a healthy person is very stressful. I have set a goal though. I want to be on one-derland before I start. So I will be making better eating choices and watching my coffee and soda intake. I am so excited. Can you tell?

One more thing....I am going to get Libby to do the C25K with me. I have this desire to be a runner and I think she does to. Or maybe she has the desire to be like me, who knows. Anyway I am gonna do this.

Other steps I have made to a healthier lifestyle...I am going to the doctor. I haven't had a yearly checkup in, let me see, 5 years. I haven't been to the dentist in 8 years. I am terrified of the latter...and really haven't made that appointment yet.
I am going to make a change because...what? Nothing changes if Nothing changes.

Chemistry

2011-11-18T16:50:00.001-08:00

I am not doing well. I turn in everything and do all the extra credit but I can barely pass the tests. Who even thought of this stuff? Why do I need to know how to balance stuff and electron configurations (which by the way I can do electron configurations but that's about it). I love the class and the teacher, she is super cool and very funny. Honestly I look forward to the class and class time but not the tests. Does that make any since? sense? cents? (just joking on the last one)

Still no eggs but any day now, any day people.

A pretty picture from the hunting camp in Evergreen.

Spent the Weekend....

2011-11-07T17:00:00.000-08:00

at my dad's new hunting camp. There are way too many pictures to upload here so I uploaded them to flickr. If you want you can click the flickr pic to the right and go take a look at them all. Only thing is that I actually forgot to take pictures of the house. Don't know what I was thinking.

We are going to have thanks giving there so I will have another opportunity soon. That place is so awesome pictures really don't do it justice. We rode the 4 wheeler around and all took all sorts of walks. I rode all the paths and they added up to 2.5 miles....I can't wait to walk them. Although I did walk them all just not all at once.

Holy Shit Batman!!

2011-11-04T17:35:00.001-07:00

Has anybody ever seen a Daddy Long Legs this size?

2011-11-02T08:42:00.000-07:00

I have been doing something lately. I use to eat at night, when my kids went to bed I would sit and eat. I know every time I put food into my mouth right before I go to bed it is killing me. So I have made a huge effort to stop. And just this past week I have stop it all. Just making that change has already done something to me, I am sleeping better and have already lost 3 pounds. Those are just the REALLY noticeable things. I have found that I have more energy and can concentrate on things throughout my day. I am so excited.

The only thing that makes me not want to talk about this is that every time I talk about this stuff I tend to stop what I am doing and sabotage myself.

So anyway.....today I went on a walk. I have this huge desire to become a runner but can't do that 80 pounds overweight. But I did run today. I ran 2.26 minutes and can't wait to see that improve.

I really don't like Halloween.

2011-10-31T10:54:00.000-07:00

Halloween isn't fun at all to me. I don't know why. I hate getting the kids dressed up and taking them somewhere to trick or treat. It all seems like a big waste of time. I get tired just thinking of it. The only place my kids have ever trick or treated is at a nursing home. I don't think they know they are suppose to go house to house. Then there is the astronomical amount of candy I have to tell them they can't have and eventually throw away. I guess every party has a pooper.

My chickens are doing well. Still no eggs but any minute now...I can feel it.

Just a heads up.....

2011-10-28T19:09:00.000-07:00

Field trips aren't as much fun as they use to be.

It's way hotter than it use to be.

I think ants are biting more than back in the day.

Porta potties are way more gross.

Sweaty Kids truly , make whatever is in my stomach try to make it's way out via my throat.

But they are still cute as ever....

Shalom!!

2011-10-26T15:06:00.000-07:00

Shalom sweater...done.

2011-10-26T09:18:00.000-07:00

My little girl had her very first sleep over with a friend. She went to their house on Saturday and came home late on Sunday. She had such a good time.

Little sister wanted to go and wasn't happy at all about staying at home.

She read to them last night. How cool is it that she can read her sisters a book and they will actually sit and listen. I seems like every time I turn around there is something new they can do.

We had shrimp for dinner. Very yummy. The girls even peeled their own shrimp.....another great milestone. I told them they wouldn't be real southern girls until they could peel and eat their own. They jumped right on that. And down below is Mike peeling shrimp for their lunch the next day. We decided it would be to messy for them to peel and eat in the school cafeteria.
Look at that good dad.

The chickens are doing great just in case anyone was wondering. Still no eggs.....but very soon.

Updating

2011-10-15T15:17:00.000-07:00

Holy Cow!!! I go and look at this web site HERE. Every now and then because you never know. I mean really isn't it fun/sick to potentially see the people you know arrested for CRAZY reasons. Well let me tell you today I saw someone I had a SUPER huge crush on in 6th grade arrested. And let me tell you how happy I am that things didn't work out between us or I would have gotten my ass kicked today. I mean such a huge crush I was writing my name with his last name just to see how it would look.

My friend Terry came and visited me from California. I loved it so much and I love her so much. Hers is a friendship I will treasure.

The girls' first day of school. They all are really happy about it. Even now at eight weeks in they are Super Excited everyday. Libby doesn't look very happy but trust me she is.

This is Darcy after a Mosquito attack. I try to tell everybody how her little body reacts but nothing does justice like a picture.

Chicken update: Got two more but no pics yet. Eight in total and still no eggs.

Got me some Chickens!!

2011-10-14T08:10:00.000-07:00

I am so excited!!! ANY day now, I mean any day I will be eating my very own fresh yard eggs. Here is a picture of my new girls.

I don't know what kind they are but I love the little ladies. Except the real big one in the back......I just want to kick her. She is a meany.

My dad spent a week building the coop. I guess it doesn't matter how old, your dad is always your dad and he will probably do anything for you. The old guy doesn't read this but I'm still gonna send a shout out and say I have probably one of the best dads ever. He loves me and his grand kids so much. Thanks Paw-Paw!

Libby teaching one of her little sisters how to read. She is a good girl.

Chemistry and other Things.

2011-09-25T18:53:00.000-07:00

Chemistry is A LOT harder than I thought it might be. But I am really loving school. All the girls are having a real good time at school. They are doing really well and I can't believe I am the mother to three students. All my kids are in school. I never thought I would see this light at the end of the tunnel. Although is turns out that there are new trials and it will probably never ever end. I still get to say, " Whoooo RAY!!" Finally in school.

I am so happy and they are so happy and it's so cool that we are all happy at the same time.

All signed up....

2011-08-04T16:52:00.000-07:00

for Chemistry. Well as it turns out I have decided to change from the RN program to the Dental Hygienist program. That's right.....I am gonna clean teeth instead of bottoms, great change if you ask me. But is anyone else curious why the dental program requires a chemistry and the RN program doesn't? Just asking.

Well another milestone is met in this household. My little girls are Kindergartners. I can't believe it. I don't have any babies anymore. Very Very cool.

I am going stir crazy. The heat index was 115 today and I wouldn't let the girls go outside and play, so I am having some Cabin fever.

What a sweet girl.

2011-07-26T05:58:00.000-07:00

What's satisfying?

2011-06-14T19:40:00.000-07:00

Having good friends is satisfying.

Starting my second week of Couch to 5K is satisfying (even though I did week one for a month).

Watching my kids at Vacation Bible School is VERY satisfying.

My kids are so awesome and I am so lucky to be their mom.

And by the way my first day of doing the second week on couch to 5K wasn't even painful. I don't know if that is a good thing are not but it did make me happy. The workout this morning was super cool. I went to a part of the gym where the air conditioning didn't hit me and it felt really good and warm and sweaty. I am feeling pretty dang awesome right now.

C25K

2011-05-16T17:25:00.001-07:00

I did week one again along with some weight training....it felt great and so do I. I just really need to change the diet now.

Went to the beach today.....

2011-05-15T18:33:00.001-07:00

..and it was so much fun. My kids at the beach....

I want to do some kind of family scrapbook. So every Sunday and on other special days I am going to take a picture of us and then everybody will tell me one thing and then I will write it down next to the picture I'm gonna paste in the scrapbook. Pretty cool huh? So my first one is today.

"Swimming was so much fun." Darcy
"I went way out in the water with the boys" Kendra
"I loved going to the Mellow Mushroom with my family"Libby
"Nobody got hurt today" Mom
"Everybody had fun today" Dad

Powerful stuff

2011-05-14T16:54:00.001-07:00

C25K is way ...

2011-05-13T19:15:00.000-07:00

..different on a treadmill than on a real life road. I don't know which is better or worse but I think I like the treadmill better. First would be that the speed of both walking and running is consistent and you don't waiver and slow down in anticipation of the upcoming walk. My run speed was pushed a little up and it was also kept consistent. I think I really like this.

I think I forgot to say I joined the YMCA here. It was done so I could get my girls into swim lessons and while they were in the lessons I could work out but I have worked out everyday since I joined and they have this great little "Busy Town" for the kids.

Tomorrow I will be taken through the weight machines, I really can't wait to do this. I use to do weights all the time (back in the day) (whatever that means). Anyway....very excited and can't wait, can't wait, can't wait.

Feeling great about just about everything right now.

One thing that made me kinda question myself...

My oldest got home from school today and said, "Mom you must have exercised today cause you are in a good mood." Now does this mean I am normally mean or in a poor mood? I don't know what to think about that.

My second couch to 5k.

2011-05-10T18:58:00.000-07:00

So I was in my 4th week of couch to 5k when I started school again in January. Having not been to school in 15 years I let it consume me. Now that I know I can accomplish both I am going to start with week one. I am on fire and can't wait to put on the head phones and go.

Got my test scores back!!

2011-05-09T18:29:00.000-07:00

Well they are a little high but all in all it isn't that bad.

Overall cholesterol is 248, it should be under 200.
LDL: 186 Should be under 100
HDL: 42 Should be over 39
Triglycerides: 100 I don't know what this should be.
And my fasting sugar was 95. This is good also.

So along with the really good blood pressure that is usually about 117/65 these numbers are not alarming and all I have to do is be more aware of not eating crap. I still should drop about 90 pounds and these numbers would probably naturally go down. And I do intend to do something about my weight.........you know what really REALLY sucks? I was planning on these numbers being terrible so I "had" to lose weight and get healthy. So what's up with this? I am UBER fat and not THAT unhealthy. What's up people?

This means that the reason for becoming fit and healthy will really have to come from within and not from a need. Something I am happy about but still sorta sucks.

Mother's Day

2011-05-08T18:21:00.000-07:00

This Mother's Day was a good one. I got to spend it with my mother-in-law and that was lots of fun. She is a really fun person and she can make you laugh until you pee.

My kids love her and so do I. She is just a very neat person.

I am getting some knitting done and hopefully my vest will be done soon. Then I will have to wait until winter to wear it but that's ok too. It's getting hot fast here and then we will be at the beach or river for the rest of the summer. I have decided to have fun with the girls this summer. They are old enough now were we can just do lots of stuff and they are super gung-ho about it.

My kids are the best.

This morning was.....

2011-05-05T16:41:00.000-07:00

spent remembering not to eat or drink a "Rock Star" so I could get my blood work done. The end of next week will tell us about my cholesterol and all the other lovely things that blood work does. I am so excited to hear good or bad news I just want to know so I can make things different and see the difference. I want to put before and after pictures up and show myself what I can do. I want to be able to prove it to me.

So the next week are so will be spent with my mother and father in law. They are coming from Reno and will arrive tomorrow. I can't wait to see them.

Have a great week.

Shalom Vest

2011-05-04T19:00:00.000-07:00

This is what I stopped working on in January when I started school. It's gonna be in a mustard yellow and I can't wait to start knitting. I am choppin' at the bits.

No more school , no more books, no more teachers dirty looks!

2011-05-04T18:25:00.000-07:00

I think that's how it goes but I am not sure, you know I am old.
So I Knocked it out of the park....."A" in Microbiology and an "A" in Human Anatomy and Physiology I. I am going to take the summer off and mess around with my kids. My twins are going to Kindergarten next year and my older girl will be in second grade. So we are going to have a fun summer.

I have been reading this guy Ben. He is so cool and here is one of his posts.

May 4, 2011

How to start? Run to the stop sign.

I’ve talked about it a few times before, but it’s still the number-one question I get asked.

“How do you start running?”

There are many forms of this question. It also comes in as “I’m 100 pounds overweight, how do I start running?” and “I’ve tried running, but it’s so hard and I get so tired that I get discouraged. How do I start and stick with it?”

And the answer is always pretty much the same: You do what you can and the next day you do a little more.

When Jed and I started, we weren’t runners. We were joggers, and just barely. We couldn’t go very far, but we made sure to keep going.

The important thing to understand is that, just like anything else, running is going to be hard. How many people do you know that can walk onto a golf course for the first time in their life and shoot par? None.

No. We have to get through the sucky part. And it’s hard. But it is doable. And the cool thing is that once you do, it gets a lot easier and it goes faster than you’d expect.

The first thing to do is just get out there. Yeah, it might be scary—particularly if you’re overweight—but you have to do it. And when you do, just start. That may mean just walking. But do something. Go until you can’t go any more And mark the distance. Remember how far you went.

And the next time you go out (maybe not the next day), try to go farther. And eventually try to run some. While you’re going, look ahead and find an object and run to it. A mailbox, a lightpole, or a stop sign. I always preferred stop signs. Not sure why.

Build it up. Slowly.

The next time you go, run to the stop sign, but start a little earlier. And the next time run a little more. Run slowly, and run smartly, but run.

And then, before you know it, you’ll have run a mile without stopping.

It’s a big moment. It might take a month. It might take two, but you’ll always remember your first mile.

And then it gets faster. Once you do one mile, two is just around the corner. And three. And a 5K! And you’ll do a 5K and then you’ll do another. And then you’ll do a 10K.

But you have to start.

Go out there and walk. And then jog.

Army Wives will still be on the DVR when you get back. Promise.

update: I’ve had a few messages asking about beginner training plans for a 5K. There’s no better one than Couch-to-5K. Check it out if you haven’t already.

I am so ready to start this. I went to the doctor today and got all kinds of blood work done so I will be posting all the bad and good. I am ready to make a change.

My New plan......

2011-04-27T17:28:00.000-07:00

on weight loss. Well my new plan is to not have a plan I am going to just do. Just do some exercise and maybe just not east so much sugar. Whenever I make a plan I just fail. So now no more plan I am just going to act. Some days I may do more than others and some days I may do nothing but I am going to forgive myself because I have decided I really like me. I am a good friend and a good mom and I can be all those things in a big body or a small body neither of them makes me better or worse at what I do. I will love the same and hopefully be loved the same.

There you have it. My plan is just to do something different.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
Some say Albert Einstein said this, some say Ben Franklin....Whichever, it's good.

Microbiology....

2011-04-27T16:40:00.001-07:00

I made an A....that's right read it again. An A.

Took the .....

2011-04-26T18:43:00.000-07:00

Microbiology final today. My professor told me I wouldn't be able to view my grade until tomorrow after noonish. I am still obsessively checking the web site over and over again, maybe just maybe she will put them up tonight. I don't think so, I think they will probably be up tomorrow. I should probably wait until then.

All this waiting can make a girl crazy!!!

I think tomorrow I am gonna paint 40 toes with this new nail polish I have. It's gonna be fun.

2011-04-24T19:20:00.000-07:00

My gonna be a Supermodel one day.

Sweetest, sweetest, will give her sisters anything that they want that's hers. This girl is gonna be a great whatever she wants to be.

Stand-up comedian...needs to find a rich man because she wants EVERYTHING.

It's been awhile.....

2011-04-24T19:09:00.000-07:00

since my last post huh? I have been going back to school and this week I start finals. Actually only two finals. One is Microbiology and then a second next week, Human anatomy and Physiology. Not real excited about that one but I think I will do well in Micro.

Not much knitting to report on.